By TKay Nthebe | TKO Financial Wellness
Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed about your money decisions?
Maybe you’ve bought something impulsively and regretted it. Or perhaps you’ve missed a loan payment, delayed saving for retirement, or used your emergency fund to cover everyday expenses — and now you feel like you’ve failed at “adulting.”
You’re not alone.
When I left my corporate job a few years ago to build my business, TKO Financial Wellness & Advisory, I knew my financial situation would change drastically. I had to downgrade my lifestyle, reinvest in the business, and let go of luxuries I once enjoyed.
Even though I had prepared financially — built a runway, created systems, and secured contracts — nothing could have prepared me for delayed client payments. Suddenly, debit orders were bouncing, accounts were overdrawn, and loan repayments were missed.
And yes — I felt embarrassed. For someone who writes, speaks, and teaches about money management, these moments triggered deep money shame and self-judgment.
What Is Money Guilt and Money Shame?
According to the Mind Money Balance podcast, guilt is the feeling that comes when you think, “I made a bad money decision.” Shame, on the other hand, is deeper — it’s the belief that “I am bad with money.”
This internalised shame can spiral, causing you to avoid checking your accounts, ignore overdue bills, or withdraw from conversations about money — all of which make financial recovery harder.
Researcher Brené Brown identifies three drivers that intensify money shame:
- Secrecy – Avoiding your bank statements or credit card bills.
- Silence – Not talking openly about money due to fear or embarrassment.
- Judgment – Feeling criticised by family, friends, or society for your financial choices.
Sound familiar?
You might feel judged for buying a car before a house, travelling too often, or not helping out financially at home.
How to Manage Money Guilt and Shame
The good news?
You can rewrite your money story and heal your relationship with money. Here are a few practical ways to start:
1. Talk About It
Open up to someone you trust — a friend, therapist, or financial coach. Sharing your story helps you gain perspective and release the emotional burden that comes with financial guilt.
2. Notice Your Patterns
Are you constantly anxious about money, losing sleep, or feeling distracted at work? These are signs that your finances are affecting your wellbeing. Recognising the signs is the first step to change.
3. Face Your Finances
Stop avoiding your numbers. As money blogger Dasha Kennedy shares, transformation begins when you stop hiding from your accounts, celebrate small wins, and focus on your progress instead of comparison.
Reclaiming Your Financial Power
Feeling ashamed of your finances doesn’t define you — it simply signals that you care and want to do better. Money guilt and shame can be powerful teachers if we allow them to guide us toward self-awareness, discipline, and healing.
As a financial coach, I’ve learned that many people’s financial struggles are not about numbers — they’re about emotions, fear, and identity. Healing your money story begins with compassion, not criticism.
So, give yourself permission to start again.
At TKO Financial Wellness & Advisory, we help individuals and entrepreneurs overcome financial guilt, build sustainable financial systems, and grow with confidence.
📩 info@tkofinancialwellness.com
🌍 www.tkofinancialwellness.com
Key Takeaways
- Money shame thrives in silence — talking about it breaks its power.
- Guilt means you made a mistake; shame convinces you are the mistake.
- Facing your finances is an act of courage and self-respect.
- Healing your relationship with money begins with honesty and compassion.
Tokiso “TKay” Nthebe is an author, podcast host, financial wellness coach, and lead advisor at TKO Financial Wellness & Advisory. She is passionate about empowering professionals, freelancers, and entrepreneurs to build lasting financial confidence through education and planning.
